It’s true, marriage isn’t for everyone. I’ve been there, done that and hated every minute of it. I spent the whole three years chained to a 200-pound man-shackle, miserable, unhappy and longing for adventure and freedom. Looking back now I can’t believe I even stayed for that long. Yes marriage does work for some people and I know many happy couples who stay together for the long haul. Like anything worthwhile in life marriage takes Commitment and work. These things I would rather devote to myself and making my own life better. Sounds selfish? Maybe it is, but human beings ARE inherently selfish, and I refuse to spend my life catering to others and devoting myself to their happiness at the expense of my own.
I am here to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single, there is nothing wrong with traveling and riding solo, and there is nothing wrong with living your life for YOU.
- Relationships aren’t for everyone
Gone are the days when people had to get and stay married in order to survive, and no one could be happier about that then I! As an avid history buff I shudder every time I read books on the plight of our forefathers. I’m so grateful that we now live in a world where we can be self sufficient and have the option to be single if we choose to. Some people just aren’t cut out for relationships due to mental or environmental factors and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t ever feel guilty for stepping out of the mold and putting yourself first, and learn how to be happy and content when you look at your reflection in the mirror. Spend your time and money on you and put yourself first, because no one else will.
- Children aren’t for everyone
Ok I’m just going to come out and say it. The world is over populated and we are killing our planet. That aside, I’ve never been able to comprehend why people give up the best years of their lives to take care of a child that might have none or very little contact with them in the future. I have many friends that work in nursing and you know who looks after the old and infirm? Most of the time it’s not the children, it’s paid cared workers in hospices and retirement homes. Everyday my Facebook page is littered with complaints from my friends with children and they are so grateful just to get a solid night’s sleep! ridiculous. You know what I’m grateful for? That I just booked a ticket to Europe for the summer. Te He He!
- Happiness really is the most important thing
You know when you were a kid and your mother would say to you ‘I don’t care what you do, I just want you to be happy’. I never understood what she meant until I reached adulthood and became burdened down with ‘life’… The stress and worry that happens to all of us. Now I would give almost anything to go back to my carefree adolescence. The next best thing? Keeping my life as simple and uncomplicated as possible and working on my own personal happiness. what does happiness mean? It’s whatever you derive the most enjoyment from. It’s different for everyone and it’s important to find it and work on it daily.
- Freedom is the best
Only people who have lost their freedom, truly know and appreciate what it means to have it. To me it’s the ability to live on my own, travel wherever I want, eat and workout whenever I want and not have to compromise or appease others. I am a self confessed commitmentphobe. In relationships I feel stressed and trapped and immediately start looking for a way out. I just don’t like it despite my many efforts to fit into the ‘mold’. People are constantly asking me why I’m single and the answer is always the same. Because I choose to be and because I’m happy this way. Don’t allow anybody to put you down or make you feel bad because you choose to be single. No there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you, so don’t fall for that insult. Yuck.
- Do what suits you
I’m 36 and after 20 years of being sexually active and having relationships I think I know by now what works for me and what doesn’t. What I personally like is to be single most of the time, have the freedom and option to date and meet interesting and fun people and throw in a few short-term relationships for that occasional comfort factor. I was raised an only child so I prefer my own company to that of others and what I enjoy most is the excitement of the initial phases of dating and then I get bored and go back to being single. That’s what I like to do and I’ll continue to do it until it doesn’t work for me anymore. Look inside and find out what really works for you and enjoy living your life.
- Keep an open mind
Whatever lifestyle your choose to live it’s so important to keep an open mind and allow yourself to change, develop and feel. You might enjoy being single right now, but you also might meet someone in the future you really have a connection with. If you close your mind off to the possibilities of dating then you might be missing out on the next phase of your life and something that was really meant to be. Also be open to change. That’s one thing that travel does for us, it puts us in situations and opens our horizons to different experiences. Keep the attitude and insight you get while traveling, and use it in your everyday life. After all, life in itself is an adventure, don’t spend it with blinkers on.
- Rely on yourself and not others to validate you
You don’t need someone around to constantly validate how much of an awesome amazing person you are. You already know it, or should know it, so save yourself the unwanted baggage and drama and start believing in YOU. I like to keep my mental state at a constant calm level. I don’t like the ups and downs that relationships offer and I don’t like the uncomfortable feeling I get during conflict. I think back now to the games and emotional abuse that the power struggles in relationships bring and it makes me shudder. What a complete waste of time and energy that I could have spent bettering myself, not trying to validate myself in others eyes.
- Never give up on your dreams
This happens to almost everyone at some point in their life and it’s so destructive and counter intuitive. When you give up your dreams to placate and satisfy others what you are doing is losing a part of yourself. We spend our lives building our personalities and desires so why do we give everything away on the hopes of having a relationship with someone? It stems from our biological need to be partnered, wanted, accepted and loved. Well you don’t have to be a victim of this trap. Love and chase after yourself and you own dreams. Never give up on something you want and live your life with no regrets. You will be grateful in old age if you have lived a happy and self-fulfilling life.
I hope this helps all of you who have ever felt guilty about being single and putting yourself first. Don’t allow others to accuse you of being selfish, when the alternatives are just as egotistical and rapacious. It’s your life, live it how you want and enjoy.