Ahh life… It’s the one thing that nobody can ever figure out and get’s more and more complex as our society unfolds. This is a bit of a philosophical post, but it effects every single person on this planet and it really is worth discussing. For a while I’ve been thinking about my motivation for writing this article and my number one reason is to help other people. The second reason is so I can come back and reflect when life gets hard and I wonder if everything is going in the right direction towards finding true happiness and fulfillment. You won’t find me being emotional very often, so enjoy it now 🙂
Remember there are no guarantees in life, only choices, and the choices you make today have the propensity to effect and change your life forever. Make sure those changes are something that you want, and will lead YOUR life in a positive direction. Please don’t misinterpret my mission here, I’m not advocating selfishness, I’m promoting awareness so you don’t become a victim of somebody else’s selfishness.
If you’re like me and most of my friends, you have at one point in your life, moved location to be with somebody. How did this work out for you? Are you still together? If you are you are definitely in the minority. This situation seems so romantic at the time, but rarely does it ever work out. If you look at the most extreme situations (like K1 Visa marriage, where people have moved countries to be with someone), it rarely ends in ‘happy ever after.’ Even if you are just moving towns it’s such a huge commitment. You’re essentially leaving your friends, family and support network, your job and everything you know, to delve into the unknown. This puts a huge strain on everyone and creates an unfair power bias, giving the other person almost 100% control. This leads to high incidences of physical and emotional abuse, and even the nicest person will feel stressed and trapped. If you really do want to do this be smart about it. Secure your own employment and housing, keep your own finances separate and have a plan B in place. Never give your power or security away to somebody else, because at the end of the day, the only person that really cares about you is YOU.
I missed out on a lot of my formidable years being stuck in an unhappy marriage with an abuser who wouldn’t allow me to travel, seek employment or even have friends. I couldn’t believe that I allowed myself to be controlled and bullied in such a way, but as a new immigrant with no money or anywhere to go, I was literally trapped. I can definitely say it was the worst time in my life, but looking back on it now, it makes me appreciate the freedom and success I have now all the more.
Travel is truly one of those things in life that you have to take advantage of when it presents itself. There is not one traveling experience that I regret doing, ever! And I can’t say that about anything else in life. Travel at every single opportunity and never put it off. If you take any advice from this post, make sure it’s that. Travel and do what makes you happy, and if your relationship is strong, it will be there when you get back, if not, then it wasn’t mean to be anyway.
Marriage and Children
They say that when people get married, its less about who they are with, and more about where they are at in life. This makes me cringe to be honest. I don’t want someone marrying me just because I’m the one he’s dating when he decides what he wants, and it happens All…The…Time… This situation might be fine, if you are also really wanting a family, but remember you reap what you sow in life. If you haven’t taken the time to build a proper foundation for marriage, be prepared to be very unhappy and have it end in divorce. Simple as that.
On the flip side of this, don’t ever allow someone to control your desires, happiness and future on their whims. This happens to a lot of people and it’s particularly bad for women, as we have limited time to reproduce. So many of us stay in relationships for years waiting for our partners to be ‘ready’. That’s fine at 20, but at 30+ it ain’t funny anymore! Listen to the subtle hints people give you in general conversations, because they are trying to send you a message, and believe them!
If you have been in a relationship with someone for a while, don’t assume that the longer you wait for your partner to be ready for marriage and children that it will make them want a family even more, because More often then not, the reverse is true. Don’t ever, ever let anyone dangle the marriage and baby carrot in front of your face. Give them a time frame you find reasonable, and if things don’t start progressing and materializing, tell them to go stick it and find somebody who you can build a mature loving marriage and family with. Do it before it’s too late.
We all have a dream location where we would love to live and most of us say “Oh, that’s where I’m retiring one day” Yea, and 9 times of out 10 that doesn’t happen because we are too busy allowing others to chase their dreams and tagging along, hoping for some change and reciprocity. This leads to an unfulfilling life and resentment for others and it always surprises that people do this their whole life without once asking anything for themselves. I guess these people are very kind and unselfish, but also very stupid. Hey, if it makes you happy sacrificing every fiber of your being for your spouse, have at it. But you only have yourself to blame when you are sitting on your death bed saying “wow, i really wish i did that.” Never mind about putting it off till retirement, start living NOW.
I had a friend from Russia who was so beautiful. She was offered a job in Washington DC to work as a foreign translator for the
state department, and refused to accept it because her boyfriend didn’t want to leave California. Now she’s flipping burgers in a fast food joint. Who knows what she could have been by now..A diplomat? A Foreign Correspondent? An Ambassador?! The point is that she will never know because she put someone else before herself and paid the ultimate price. Don’t be like her. Accept anything that comes your way that’s better than what you have now and will lead to much bigger and better things in the future. Grab hold with both hands and leave behind anyone who is not willing to go forward.
Work on your own career and being the best you absolutely can, and you will be in a much better position to accept a relationship into your life and actually be an equal partner in it. Someone with Security, confidence, self-worth, education and a career is a much more sought after candidate then someone who lacks these qualities. If the relationship then turns sour and somebody doesn’t want to be with you anymore, oh well, you’re set up, you’re just fine, and don’t let the door hit their ass on the way out! Bye Felicia…
So that’s it, that’s my musings on the complexities on life and relationships with other people. Remember that human beings are inherently selfish and will continue to treat you however they like, for as long as you allow it. Don’t be the one giving 80% to somebody who is only giving you 20% in return. The key to this delicate dance is to find other like-minded people with similar interests and personality traits, that you can then align your life goals with and head towards a similar existence.
If all else fails, go off and do what you want to do and work on making yourself happy. Be the person you would envy if you somebody else, and live a life of #no_Regrets